Looks like Christmas came early for me.

TOP 5 worst customers in the Singapore

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  India Indians - Not only that they are smelly and have a poor ability to speak even the most simplest of English word, they will 100% ask for discounts, free-gifts, extra service, etc, etc, etc. To them, nothing is enough, bloody cheap assholes.

• 
  
  China Chinese - The main reason i don't like these customers is because i can't speak fluent mandarin that's all, case closed.

• 
  
  The Stupid's - Yes, i'm not joking one bit, there are so many stupid people who comes up to me to ask stupid dumb logical questions, mainly the India Indians.

• 
  
  The Irritating's - Another shitty bunch of people. Firstly, they ask you alot of non logical questions. Secondly, they want to test the same bike they tested in a different colour no matter how hard i try to convince them its the same. Thirdly, they will say they will come back again to reconsider. Fucked up you tell me?

• 
  
  The Children - If not for them, my life would be very peaceful. Everyday some stupid dumb ass children will D.I.Y. take and test the product and in the end leave the whole sales floor in a god damn mess. Bloody fuckers. I already plan to hit a child on my last day of work.

I'm tell you people that working in sales is a gruesome and tiring job. Ah yes, lets recall what happen today. This retarded guy was veiwing the bike so i politely approached him and asked in a very nice way if he needed some help.

Me: Hi, can i help you?

Customer: ...."Silent"......

A few minutes passed as i stood before the guy.

Customer: How do you know if this bicycle has been tested by others before? ( I felt like giving him a signature roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. )

Me: The bike has been on top of the display holder which i gurantee no one has even touched it except the staff here.

Customer: "Mumbling" How does the bound force work? ( Wtf is a bound force? )

Me: I'm sorry, could you repeat what you said?

Customer: ......"Silent"........

Another few minutes has passed.

Customer: Uh-uh. ( Uh-uh his mother lah. )

Me: I'm sorry, could you repeat?

Customer: I don't think i can buy the bicycle, i don't know how to put the petrol. ( At this point of time i really felt like giving him a stone cold stunner followed by a cripple cross face and finished with a 5 star frog splash. Since when does a freaking bicycle required petrol. This guy must be either crazy or just stupid. )

Stupid people i see everyday.

Bye.

From what i heard some silly, dumb girl tried to commit suicide by jumping off the 3rd story of New Town Secondary. I mean wtf? Who the hell in the right mind would jump of the 3rd level of a build expecting to die an instant death. That very girl just proved to us how stupid 1 can be. Just because she failed and retain ( Seriously how stupid can one be. ), she tried to end her problems and shame by committing suicide. How can one not cherish life that god have given to you? Do you know how much time and hard work your parents took to make you in that very bed you sleep when you were a child? ( Sounds Gross. ) We must all chrish our life in every way possible. Think about the baby's that were aborted due to some careless man who shot without using protection, you think they wanted to die by the hands of a doctor? I'm very sure they wanted to live to see the world. Really, really stupid act. I'm not surprised as these people are very stupid.

Now 2nd news i heard is that my former Form Teacher Mr Goh Soon Hua has been fired due to his reckless act of aggression yet again. This time he was caught and prosecuted before he could harm another person. I'm sure everyone had been his victim at least once when he tried to indirectly blackmail you in order to listen to him. Well this is what happen, G.S.H. canned someone with no reason and that got him fired. Well lets think what could have caused this little hulk to emerge.

1. His wife did not give him the pleasure he yearned for.
2. His mom died.
3. His dad died.
4. He owed the loan sharks money.
5. He found his wife engaging in sexual activites with his best friend.

Just started work and i tell you it's hell, so much that makes me want to quit and go back home and play DOTA. Now i realise the importance of a good education. I ask myself, would i want to earn shit and have to work really hard? NO. who does? Maybe some Bangladeshis but not me. I work 10 hours a day inclusive of my 1 hour break, 6 days a week so that's like 60 hours a week. Sucks eh? Well it sure does when i have to walk all the way from the last tower at Suntec City all the way across through Citylink Mall to reach City Hall Mrt, that's not all, another 30 minutes journey home and from there i have to take a 10 minutes walk to reach my home.

Legs aching but mind working. ( Lame shit ) What the heck, okay s$3300 i'll receive till the end of the year ain't that bad. I'll be able to buy all kind of crap i want. PS3? New Bike? More Expensive stuff others can't afford?

Maybe I'll be working 2 jobs also. One is the main one which gets me a basic salary while the other is some multi-level marketing thingy. For the multi-level marketing thingy, it seems like a very profitable organisation, they have workers at the age of 24 driving bmw, that's like WOW. If you want to know more then you have to join yourself, i ain't sharing anything here.

I'm ranting all i want here, leg still aching, waiting for my hair to dry before i sleep. Lets see what else i should talk about. Oh yeah, what if i fail my N'Levels, where would i go? I would never see myself go to ITE, never. I'd rather spend my salary on a private course. Screw N'Levels and all the other O or A. Screw them all. I just need a get rich quick scheme to end my misery.

Take that Bush.

N'Levels draw to a close. 1 more month before the Language papers start while another 2 more before the other subjects. It does seem really near all of a sudden. The days pass so fast. It felt like it was still the start of the year for me, slacking all day, not doing a thing related to studies.

I'm just coming to think about this really hard, i should be mugging, studying everyday instead of playing. My parents always tell me this," What are you going to do if your fail your N'Levels?". The moment they say this, i could not find a phrase or even a word to reply them. Perhaps i have to go to a private school like my sister or even worst ITE, but no i will not disappoint a second time and there will be no more mistakes made. I know i can never make it to Junior Collage so i turn my attention to the Polytechnic's.

What do i want to do in life? There are many options and i can't even seem to think of something which i suppose is interesting to wake up every morning to. Even if i do pass my N'Levels, will i be able to cope with the O'Level standard the following year? Like what my English teacher Miss Rev said," If you do pass your O'Levels with 10 points, i will guarantee that it will be a very tough year ahead of you, but for those of you who pass with 9 marks and below should be able to pass their O'Levels". The way she said it is really demoralizing for everyone in my class.

This was a conversation between Me and Benjamin Tan.

Me: Hey, Dota tonight?

Ben: See first.

Me: Why not?

Ben: I think you should stop playing for just this 2 months, last time i used to play every night and end up sleeping in class the following morning. Just stop playing for these 2 months only, study only.

Me: ( Silent )

I just sat there speechless, i could not imagine Benjamin Tan, the Snake King would say something so wise. Normally he would say stupid things so this was a first for him.

Play time is over.

5am, the alarm rang. Walked towards the toilet to have a cold shower. Changed and got ready by 7. Went to pick up Enshao from his house and went straight to Bukit Timah. Both of us felt nervous as we don't know who we are up against. Reached the starting point, we met the rest of the gang, William, Joshua, Ellery, Calvin, etc just to name a few. It was really crowded as by the time i reached, many competitors are arriving in the dozens. It is the 2nd cross-country race of the year.



I was in the Boys Division B'. Up against both my friends William and Joshua. It was a tensed moment. I knew if i were to rush immediately, i will not have enough stamina to keep my pace. My best timing of 2 rounds around the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve was around 55Min's. Its going to be hell for me, pedalling non-stop for almost 1hour. This is the route that i will be cyclist through for 2 rounds.



Crazy shit i tell you. I started around 0845. the horn sounded and off we go. At first i rushed forward towards the centre of the group, it was during the climb which i overtook a few people and was in a steady position after. After i reached 3rd place, there was this climb which cause me to lose my position. As i was climbing, i quickly shifted to my easiest gear, as i continue to pedal, there was a loud cranking sounds coming from my RD. I did not really care as i just want to stay in 3rd position. Without any notice, my chain just skipped causing me to stop and allow the riders behind me to overtake. I was cursing every moment because the riders behind me could not climb as therefore was running up. I said to myself," Just forget it and overtake him later". True enough i overtook the guy and regain 3rd position.

Just as another steep uphill climb was in front, i quickly shifted my gear and again it skipped causing me to allow 2 other guys to overtake me. I cursed and cursed. Its like why? Wtf man. I was 5Th position throughout the race. In the end i just got 5Th place. That won me a trophy and some $120. I suspected that the guy giving free servicing at the start point screwed my tuning, but only to find out that my RD Hanger is dented. gay shit man.


Ain't it nice?


I swear i could have won the guy beside me in white.








The line up.


The Bikes.





Well have to thank Williams dad for taking the time off to come down and take pictures.

Anyways, after my race, about 1-2hours later, it was the start of the Men's Open. Majority of the people who registered for the Men's Open was the Singapore National riders like Samuel Yang and Junaidi. Even Calvin joined the Men's Open category. For the Men's open, it was 5 rounds instead of 2 rounds, now that is sick. Their average timing for 1 round is around 15-20Min's, that's very fast. In first place for the Men's Open was Junaidi, followed by Samuel. Calvin got 4Th place, congrats to him. I think he is the youngest in the Men's Open at just the age of 17.


The national riders.

Well, just after every race is over, its time for the lucky draw. okay to cut it short, my friend won the top prize which is worth 1.1k. I just feel like killing him for no apparent reason.

Okay time to sleep. School reopens tomorrow. Back aches like hell. Good night.

Yesterday was both a sad and fun day for me. That fateful day my aunt had passed away, just barely a few days after i visited her in hospital. Its was very sudden and shocking. I remembered it was just midnight when my mom came to my room to inform me about the news. It was quite shocking because the last time i visited her, she was on a road to recovery. Yesterday was the day we went to cremate her body.

Cut it short, the crematory centre at Mandai was really modern. I was expecting a run down place which was not renovated in a few years. I did not know we would be allowed to view the coffin being placed inside the oven or what ever it's called. As the coffin is placed on a mechanical carrier which automatically moved to the oven. As it was slowly reaching its destination, i could hear cries coming from my cousin's and other few relatives, i knew deeply inside i was very sad for this tragic happening and almost felt tears coming out. What has happened has happened, nothing we can do about it but to move on.

After that went home to change and live up to my promise because when i made a bet with Faris that if he won me in this Custom game in Warcraft, i would cut off my fringe. At first i won him 3 games straight, i taunted him even further and i lost the 4th game. Somehow he was quite lucky to win. No choice so i just went to cut.

Went to sukardi's birthday with Faris, Danial and his brother, cabbed there and yeah, first thing we did there was to gamble again. Made only $5, thats very pathetic, at least it can buy me a Mc'Donald's meal or burger. Had to feel sorry for desmond, he lost alot since he was the banker.
Cut to the chase, the best part of the birthday party was when Susu kissed yelin. That was the moment, after 19 years of waiting. Should have recorded it down.

After that went to irc. Wanted to play Dota but was waiting for more people so i left first. Was feeling tired. Thats all.

Bye.

You know when we enjoy or have fun, we tend to forget our problems. We start to forget about pain, sufferings, war, disaster's and death. We will always think it will be just right for us, but do you know that anything can just happen in a blink of an eye? Would i be able to cope?

Sometimes we enjoy ourselfs by going out, buying clothes or whatever stuff we feel like buying, playing soccer, dota, pool, etc etc etc.

Few days back i received news that my aunt was hospitalized in Tan Tock Seng Hospital and is in coma due to a bad fall. (How she fell or what happen is still unknown) I just stood standing, shocked and in a world of my own thinking how could this happen.

Just today, again i received news that my aunt has woken up. My mom decided to visit her, so i tagged along. We had to go all the way to the ICU ward to find my aunt. I tell you, the minute i stepped through the entrance to the ICU wards, i felt very nervous. I don't know what to say to my aunt. Worst of all, when i walked past the first ward and saw the patient inside, i knew that person was in pain with all the needles inserted into the body. At that moment i felt very uneasy, i just kept thinking if that were to happen to me, what would i ever do. I could not bear to look at the rest of the wards as i knew i would have this weird feeling inside me, something i can't explain.

Upon reaching my aunts ward, she already had visitors. I guess all of them were from her husbands side as i did not know anyone at all. I walked in with my mom and i saw my aunt for the first time in ages. I could not bare to look at here for too long as i too could feel her pain and suffering. She could not speak due to something inserted into her mouth and it really made me sad looking at my aunt.

I started to question myself, asking is there really such thing as god? If there was a god, why would he make us suffer. I thought god loved his creations. All kinds of thoughts passed through my mind. Suddenly my aunt pointed to me and my mom to come into the room and talk to her. It was a long talk, my mom was trying to comfort her. I could just feel my aunt's agony. Since she could not speak, she had to write down her thoughts and feelings or whatever she wants to say to us. After a certain time spent inside, we decided to leave as we wanted my aunt to rest.

My mom kept telling me, anything can happen in a blink of an eye. Sometimes life is just cruel, but what choice do i have? If only no such thing as death in this world. No such thing as pain or suffering.

Good night, I'm off to bed.

X-RATED RIDDLES

Q What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!

Finally, its the holidays. 1 month of studying, or fun? Failed my mid-year exams, totally screwed everything up. My mom found out about the results just this morning and soon she unleashed her "Scream of Pain", i thought only the QOP in Dota had this ability.
___________________________________________________________________
SCREAM OF PAIN


The Queen of Pain lets loose a piercing scream, damaging nearby enemies.

Level 1 - 85 damage per target.
Level 2 - 165 damage per target.
Level 3 - 225 damage per target.
Level 4 - 300 damage per target.

Cooldown: 10 seconds.

Level 1: 85 mana, 10 sec cooldown.
Level 2: 105 mana, 10 sec cooldown.
Level 3: 120 mana, 10 sec cooldown.
Level 4: 140 mana, 10 sec cooldown.
___________________________________________________________________

Totally spoiled my morning, i guess this june holiday is the time for me to catch up. No more fooling around. I must start studying at least 2 hours a day.( I have been saying this and not doing it, its time to put my words into actions. ) I can't fail anymore, i need to pass, pass, pass before my mom unleashes another ability, "Sonic Wave"
___________________________________________________________________
SONIC WAVE


Creates a gigantic wave of sound which deals heavy damage to all units in a line.
Level 1 - 290 damage.
Level 2 - 430 damage.
Level 3 - 600 damage.

Cooldown: 120/100/75 seconds.

Level 1: 250 mana, 120 sec cooldown.
Level 2: 360 mana, 100 sec cooldown.
Level 3: 500 mana, 75 sec cooldown.
___________________________________________________________________

I guess after she unleashes the 2 ability, i would be dead. I just can't seem to study. Its like i always get distracted by something like the computer and i can never study straight for 2 hours. At this rate i'm going to fail my N's. Well starting next monday, i shall start studying for at least 2 hours.

Today, Friday 04 May. 8.30am, Maths paper in the morning, 1h 30mins. Did not have enough time to complete the whole paper although i knew how to do. 10.30am, Social Studies paper, 1h 30mins. Could not answer much of section B.

Can my day get any worst?

Had to quarrel with people. It did not just stop here.

Went to meet Enshao at Bukit Timah around 4pm. Upon reaching the trail, both of us found out that we needed to oil our chains as it was dry and making alot of noise. Nevermind that, went to Rodalink and changed. Soon after that, went into the trail to only find out it was super muddy. As we past the railway track area, was climbing up a pile a rocks and when i climbed over it, i found out that my chain had dented. Took me almost 15mins to fix the chain. Seriously, can my day get any worst?

Continued the trail, everything went smooth for awhile until i was climbing again. As i was reaching the top, the chain just broke. Had to push all the way out back to Rodalink. Enshao was laughing. I was swearing every moment. Went to the Rodalink and fixed the chain which cost me $35. Soon after that we turned into Toh Tuck and was climbing up again, GUESS WHAT!!?!?!?! Ehshaos chain broke. Retribution for laughing at me earlier on. Went back again to fix the chain onto his bike and ended my ride.

Hopefully tomorrow would be a better day. Got to study, study, study.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Andrew!

1. Czar Paul I banished Andrew to Siberia for marching out of step.
2. The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Andrew.
3. In his entire life, Andrew will produce only a twelfth of a teaspoon of honey!
4. There are now more than 4000 satellites orbiting Andrew.
5. Bananas don't grow on trees - they grow on Andrew.
6. Lightning strikes Andrew over seven times every hour.
7. Dolphins sleep at night just below the surface of Andrew, and frequently rise to the surface for air!
8. During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear Andrew had to pay a special Andrew tax!
9. The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained Andrew!
10. More people are killed by Andrew each year than die in aeroplane accidents!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

No point explaining.

THE ONE

The One.
I have one.
You have one.
Your mother uses your father's one.
And your auntie uses your uncle's one.
A married lady would acquire one.
But a divorced lady would lose her one.
Arnold Schwarzenneger has a longer one.
Michael J. Fox has a shorter one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Chinese usually have short ones.
While the Indian usually have long ones.
Do you have one?
How long is your one?
Which one is your preferred one?
What you are thinking of?
go down
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Answer : It's your Surname, what else? !!!!!
but I like the way you think .........
GOOD DAY!!!

Finally got back my new xc bike. This is like the 6th time i changed my frame in a year. Many thanks to Enshao who made this possible, great installment plan i must say. The whole bike set up ain't cheap, burn't a hole in my wallet. Can't wait to take part in a few competition, sadly have to miss this Sunday's Kent Ridge Race.

Got a few stuff i want to change. I want to change my fork to a Manitou R-7, change my brakes to a pair of Magura Hydraulic Rim Brakes and lastly i have to change my pair of tires.

Here is the picture of my bike.

1 more day before the holidays. Just hoping the frame would arrive during the holiday period, been waiting almost 4 to 5 months for it to arrive due to some poor communications from Germany. I did not get my PPR back as was not in school to receive it, need to go back to school tomorrow which i do not intend to do so. Although its just a 1 week holiday, we should be glad and not grumble that it is only 1 week.

What to do during the 1 week period? Cycle is only the thing i want to do during the 1 week. Its been so long since i even rode a bike. Luckly my couson gave me his bike as he is over at Canada, many thanks to him, going to collect it later at 33 Hindhede Walk.

I need to buck up after the March holiday, need to have a better attitude towards my studies. Stop fooling around and study. Hopefully it will be possible. Need to study harder for my Maths, English, History, Social Studies, F/N, Chem & Physics and not to forget my Chinese, which all need to aim for higher grades. So far only Maths, English, Combine Humanities and F/N have hopes for higher grades, need to get A2 if possible, i know i might be bluffing myself but yeah i must try. Even my friend Mr Daryl Tan aims to get A1 for all his subjects for his N-level paper, if he can aim for something like that, why don't i aim for higher grades too but only with less expectations. All i can say is my Combined Science and Chinese is totally screwed.

Ciao, i'm going to buy new graphic card for my computer, take that Mr Donovan Lim Yi Heng.

To end this post, i would like to dedicate a big " FUCK YOU " to Mrs Ang ( NTSS Vice Principal )

I can't believe i am saying this but majority of Americans are dumb, i don't mean to be racist in anyway to the country and people which won World War II, helped pushed back the North Korean's out of Seoul, gave birth to Bill gates who created the internet and microsoft, have the worlds most powerful and advance Army, Navy & Airforce in the whole world. I love the United States of America, but i just can't believe most of the people there are plain DUMB, no offence.
I will show you a video which a reporter asked various questions to various kinds of people. They don't even know that their own country starts with a U.

Here are some stuff the reporter asked them, which country started with a U and they could come up with - Answer: yUgoslavia, Utah ( Thats one of the states in America for gods sake ), Utopia ( WTF!!! ).
The religion of Isreal? - answer: Isreali, Catholic.
What religion are Buddhist Monks - Answer: Islamic.
Who won the vietnam war? - Answer: Oh wait, were we even in the war?.
How many sides does the triangle have? - Answer: 4, there is no sides.
What is the currency used in the United Kingdom? - American money, Queen Elizabeth money.
These are just some examples.

Other than that, the reporter actually convinced the people of America that he was President of Australia, John Howard. It is so hilarious. I'm not trying to make fun of Americans nor am i trying to be Racist here, but this is so shocking, i would not believe such words would come from these people.

To prove i'm not lying or anything, i will show you this video.
Enjoy.

When we are young, if we loved soccer as a sport, we would dream to be one of the best soccer players in the world. We would want to play for the best club in the world. We want to score lots of goals. We want to be filthy rich as a soccer player. We would dream of playing like David Beckham, scoring goals by free kicks, wonderful free kicks i mean. We would all go to the soccer field, put on our adidas boots which we made our parents buy due to the fact David Beckham was wearing and start to take free kicks. Now we don't have to do it the old fashon way, now introducing an easy way, no sweating, no cramps, won't lose your breath and won't get you dirty.

Step 1 - Sit down on a chair and on your computer.
Step 2 - Get a grip of your mouse.
Step 3 - Play Shoot Them In

Fighting may be very cool among students. They don't know what is right or wrong and they don't know other ways of solving our problems, so they fight. I have seen countless fights in school where pupils of the same age beat the hell out of each other. There are many reasons why students fight, some say the other insulted their family, some say they are just not happy and some claim their helping their friends, but not this, i have not seen a Teenager beat up someone who is far older than he is, maybe in his late 40's. I am going to show you a video of the fight. The teenager was wearing a green tee and was carrying a red crumpler bag which i thought was Mr Kumaraguru from New Town Secondary class 4/6.

This is what i call Street and Dirt Jump.

Well just came back from Joey's birthday party. It was fantastic. Joey, Ben and Shahridan was thrown into the pool. Lucky them haha. Went to eat prata but on the way met some losers who felt that they were somehow not happy with us which in the end called 8 - 10 people to find us. Luckly we did not meet them anywhere. Took cab back home while the rest stayed over at Joey's house.

Thanks Joey, for the great party.

Well its Sunday. Doing the usual stuff like staying at home and using the computer. While having a boring day today, i found this neat video. Check it out people, you won't be bored.

Reasons it's great to be a guy:
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- Movie nudity is virtually always female.
- A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
- Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
- Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
- When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
- All your orgasms are real.
- You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- Your last name stays put.
- You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
- Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
- You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
- If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
- You can write your name in the snow.
- Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
- Flowers fix everything.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
- You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
- You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
- You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me".
- The world is your urinal.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- One mood, all the time
- You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
- You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
- You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
- Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
- You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.
- With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
- You don't mooch off others' desserts.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- The remote control is yours and yours alone.
- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a littlegift.
- Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
- You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
- You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
- You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
- If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.
- Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
- You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"